


log deleted

by Unda



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1677533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unda/pseuds/Unda





	log deleted

==>> Lovingly regard crustacean

What? You've no idea what that means, the only crustacean like thing you can think of is KARKAT VANTAS who is one crabby customer. Anyway, he's not here so you can't regard him. Although you were already thinking of him, try to keep up, idiot. Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and Karkat is... well, that's kind of the subject that your sponge is currently occupied with. 

You've known the short shouty asshole since you were both embarrassingly young, barely out of your first molt each and still both getting used to having fronds instead of your pathetic grub legs. Besides the two by two symmetry of having two arms and two legs has always far appealed to you more than your pathetic little wiggler form. Duality is kind of a thing of yours. 

Anyway, you and Karkat have a long and storied history of antagonising each other, which isn't to say that you're pitch for each other at all. Whilst he does berate you into improving yourself and does conduct himself in a manner precisely designed to get right up your sniffnode he doesn't hate you really and you could never hate him more than he hates himself. Probably no one could ever hate Karkat more than he hates himself, Karkat really really hates himself. Besides, he's spent far too much time barking at you to eat and take care of yourself and not go on week long coding binges without sleeping to ever be your kismesis. 

He aggravates you too much for you to be fully flush for him, not that the short idiot isn't good looking in his own kind of condensed ball of rage kind of way. It may or may not be true that you've imagined him a few times when your hands have wandered down to your bulges of their own accord. Even so, you spend too much time wanting to smack sense into his nubby horned thinkpan and that's simply not the job of a matesprite so he doesn't fit well into that category either. 

In the same way that you don't hate him enough to be his kismesis you don't hate yourself enough to meddle in any of his clusterfuck quadrant disasters for an ashen relationship, that can happen over your cold dead corpse. 

Any wriggler with enough space to in their pan to count to four might notice that you've conveniently left out a quadrant there. If anyone were to point that out to you however you might be inclined to introduce them to a zap of your psionics until they got the point of dropping that particular thread of conversation. 

The question of pity between you and Karkat is one that you try not to think of, but it's hard right not to because at this very second it's staring you in the face. 

==>> Examine log

Throughout your long history you and Karkat have logged quite a few words exchanged over trollian and other chat clients before then. More perhaps on Karkat's side what with his tendency to lean towards long verbose tirades about anything that has in some way affronted him, which is almost everything including himself. Over their history both of them have said things that they've come to regret and occasionally they've mutually agreed to strike such incidents from each of their chatlogs. Before anyone gets on their high moral hoofbeasts about the whole thing you want to note that you did delete said chatlogs but... well... There'd been a glitch with one of your husktops and you'd run a program on it to recover all missing files that it could find in order to restore part of a program, only it pulled up long lost chatlogs as well. 

That's what you've been staring at for the past hour.

TA: everythiing iin the whole world can't be your fault you know   
CG: YOU ARE CLEARLY WRONG.   
CG: IF YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT YOU'D AGREE THAT I'M THE WORST TROLL TO HAVE EVER EXISTED. I'M WORSE THAN A COSMIC JOKE, MY EXISTANCE RESEMBLES A JOINT EFFORT BETWEEN THE HORRORTERRORS TO CREATE THE WORST POSSIBLE TROLL IN EXISTANCE. I'M LIKE THAT, ONLY WORSE.   
TA: that doe2n't even begiin to make 2en2e KK   
TA: iif you're just goiing too go off on 2ome 2tupiid rant about how much you hate your2elf ii may a2 well go off and get a driink. call me back when you're on a more 2ane topiic.   
CG: FUCK   
CG: YOU   
CG: I'M NOT RANTING HERE, I'M SERIOUS.   
CG: WELL, OK. I'M BOTH. SEE, I CAN'T EVEN ARGUE AGAINST YOU OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE WITHOUT TRIPPING OVER MY OWN BULGE AND FUCKING UP. IF THAT'S NOT A SIGN THAT I WAS NEVER MEANT TO EXIST THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.   
TA: ow KK, word2 can hurt you know   
CG: DON'T EVEN TRY TO GUILT ME FUCKER, I CAN'T POSSIBLY FEEL WORSE THAN I DO RIGHT NOW.   
TA: aaagh   
TA: shut your poiintle22 swawk blii2ter ok?   
TA: what ha2 even got iin your head to make you liike thii2 twoday?   
CG: MAYBE I'M JUST HAVING A MOMENT OF CLARITY. WHAT'S IT MATTER YOU BIFURCATED GLOWING FREAK?   
TA: becau2e iif you tell me then ii have a chance of gettiing 2ome other 2hiit done twoday   
TA: iin2tead of lii2teniing to you whiine   
CG: NO ONE MADE YOU TALK TO ME CAPTOR.   
TA: the wall of grey text a22aultiing my 2creen before ii an2wered beg2 to differ   
CG: FINE. I'VE BEEN TRAINING WITH THOSE SICKLES THAT I GOT FOR MY WRIGGLING DAY OKAY? TRAINING FOR MONTHS.   
GC: AND I CAN'T DO SHIT WITH THEM.   
CG: I'VE LOST SO MUCH FUCKING BLOOD AND CUT MYSELF SO MANY TIMES WITH THEM THAT THERE'S NO WAY I'M EVER GOING TO MAKE IT INTO THE THRESHECUTIONERS.   
CG: HAPPY NOW?   
CG: I'M OFFICIALLY A FAILURE.   
CG: I MAY AS WELL GO TO THE NEAREST DRONE DEPO AND HAND MYSELF IN FOR CULLING, EVEN MAKING THEM COME OUT HERE TO CULL ME WOULD BE TOO MUCH OF A WASTE OF PRECIOUS RESOURCES TAKEN UP FOR MY WORTHLESS SELF.   
TA: wow   
TA: that wa2 the mo2t piitiiful fuckiing thiing ii've ever heard   
CG: ...WHAT?   
TA: alriight 2hut iit   
TA: not even goiing too lii2ten to that any more   
TA: no one ii2 awe2ome at that at the 2tart   
TA: you are goiing two keep practiiciing cau2e that2 what you do   
TA: and you're goiing two get better   
TA: and ii iinviite the empre22 her2elf to come and 2uck my bulge2 iif 2he triie2 too 2top you beiing a threshecutioner iif that2 what you want  
TA: 2o quiit your fuckiing biitchiing and ju2t do iit you piitiiful a22   
CG: UH   
CG:YOU THINK I'M PITIFUL?   
TA: 2hiit   
TA: don't even try too dii2tract me KK   
TA: ju2t... fuckiing do iit   
CG: THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER FUCKER   
TA: how about thii2   
TA: we don't 2peak of thii2 agaiin and you go traiin 2ome more and ii go 2mash my face iintwo my keyboard  
TA: and we both delete the chatlog2 ok?   
TA: 2crolling up through that ii2 mortiifyiing   
CG: YOU HAVE A POINT.   
CG: I MEAN, DON'T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF CAPTOR. EVEN A STOPPED CLOCK IS RIGHT TWICE A DAY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. FUCKING BULLSHIT SAYING. WHO EVEN HAS THOSE FUCKING USELESS ANALOG TIME DEVICES ANYMORE ANYWAY? SEE, THAT'S HOW USELESS YOU ARE, YOU'RE BOTH BROKEN AND OBSOLETE. IT'S A PERFECT METAPHOR.  
CG: SO HOLD YOUR HOOFBEASTS ON THE GLEEFUL CALL OF VICTORY BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE IT   
CG: BUT YEAH, I'LL DELETE MY LOG IF YOU DELETE YOURS   
TA: deal   
CG: HEY SOLLUX   
TA: what   
CG: ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?   
TA: ye2 you fuckiing lo2er   
TA: now go delete the log and practiice your 2iickle2   
CG: OK   
CG: SOLLUX?   
TA: what now KK   
CG: THANKS I GUESS

 

Every single chatlog ends like that. Sometimes the log was pale tinted like that one, and sometimes they're full of angry innuendo that you remember half meaning at the time. Either way all of them end with a vow to delete the log and never mention it again, and neither of you ever have. 

==>> have revelation

He doesn't fit cleanly into any one of your quadrants, neither fully flush or fully pale. The fact that you've never been able to put any label on what you felt for him was one of the main reasons that you never said anything to him acknowledging any of that history. 

But looking over your chatlogs you can't help but think that perhaps the fact that he doesn't fit in either quadrant is perfect. Maybe you can have him in both, even if he would accuse you of trying to further your duality kink.

Maybe one of these days you'll go back on your promise and mention those logs again.


End file.
